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HoityTortoise

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OLD MONEY

Sir Reginald Hoitytortoise is the heir to the sizeable Van Hoity fortune and Chair of the illustrious Hoity Society Trust which distributes much needed funds to glossing over the definitely very innocent missteps and social media witch hunts perpetrated upon wealthy young reptiles who were just joking about that ladies breasts and really had a few too many drinks at that fancy dress party so shouldn’t be held accountable at all. These crucial works are proudly supported by the Rupert Murduck Foundation for Basically Legitimate Media.

NEW MONEY

Kantye ‘DJ Scaleneck’ North came to prominence when a sex tape of him with iconic heiress Ophelia Hoitytortoise was leaked to Murduck Media following its hand delivery to their office by North himself. He is mostly occupied with bettering the world using his sick beats. He has released multiple very well received mix tapes of other people’s music and is thinking very hard about asking someone else to make and album with his name on it.

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